Nobbut Laiking, by Ross Brewster
Three judges have ruled that calling someone bald is sexual harassment in the workplace. All those old insults, like baldy, boiled egg and slaphead, are not only potentially offensive, they could land the person issuing them in court.
An electrician called Tony Finn, who one assumes is follicly challenged, brought a case to the High Court claiming he was harassed by his boss during a heated argument and that a supervisor called him a stupid, bald … (third word omitted for decency).
Seems the judges see it as a gender issue as baldness is more prevalent in men than in women. There are 6.5 million males experiencing baldness in this country.
Baldness runs in my family. My dad was bald as far back as my mother could remember. He always kept his hat on when they were courting. She claimed she married him under false pretences, only discovering his secret on the wedding night.
My brother lost most of his hair by the time he was 21. He tried all sorts of remedies, most of them exceedingly smelly, without success.
My hair started receding when I was about that age, but strangely it began growing back again. I have pictures showing I had far more hair at 40 than I did at 20. I now have an extensive sunroof, but at 77 I am beyond the age of vanity.
You wonder how such a matter ever came before the courts at all. I thought our judges and lawyers were being driven hairless by overwork on serious cases that are taking forever to come to a hearing. Only this week the Government expressed concern about the backlog of Crown Court hearings.
All I can say is we must be getting too thin skinned these days. Ah, but is thin skinned not an insult and harassment?
I suppose for people who feel lacking in self-confidence being made aware of their baldness is unpleasant. And it really isn’t very nice to draw attention to something that’s obviously sensitive.
It reminds me of Coronation Street when it was funny and not involved with social issues. Fred the barman came in to work one evening with a huge lump of material on his head. No-one in the Rovers dare say a word.
There used to be a fast bowler in county cricket who, during a match at Old Trafford, lost his crown topper as he delivered the ball. It narrowly missed taking off the bails at his end.
Most times it’s easier to accept fate and go bald like a lad I once played football with. On a muddy winter’s day the ball was heavy, the pitch soggy and, after heading a couple of crosses away, he simply whipped off his dishevelled wig and carried it in his hand for the rest of the match.
Now that’s how to deal with follicular loss.
Another thing. Use the term “bird” to describe a female fellow office worker and you could find yourself in hot water.
Clearly many women find “bird” offensive and would have it consigned to a less correct past along with the wolf whistle. Yet years ago it might have been regarded as a misguided compliment. The judge sitting at an employment tribunal has ruled the terminology “derogatory” when used in the workplace.
Language and the interpretation of words has changed over the years. What was once a harmless joke may now be something taken in deadly seriousness. Mind your language. And that’s the bald truth of the matter.
Big cat believers
Already a reader has been in touch with a big cat sighting. As recent as last weekend in fact.
I wrote about my own encounter of the dark kind. Turning off the M6 slip road at Penrith a creature skipped silently across in front of me and disappeared into the undergrowth. Subsequent inquiries served to convince me it was something with feline movement, but much larger than a domestic cat.
My correspondent tells me there are big cats in Cumbria and his latest sighting was not his first. I had not been drinking and I wasn’t dreaming and the more I find out the more I am convinced.
Reality dawning for new MPs
It’s difficult to comprehend the mix of excitement and apprehension felt by the hundreds of new MPs who took their place in the Commons for the first time following the election.
Much as we criticise politicians, I have no doubt most of them have a genuine desire to serve their constituents.
However, they can’t just sound off with their personal opinions. It’s about the party and many MPs must have swallowed hard before voting to drop the winter fuel allowance for pensioners. It was harsh reality in a double dose for those who voted against their gut feeling.
Transport minister Louise Haigh was quietly brought into line last weekend after her remarks about a ferry company had brought her into conflict with the government and possibly put a billion pound investment in jeopardy.
Being an MP can be a frustrating job. A minister more so. It won’t have taken long for that reality to dawn for the newbies.
