Nobbut Laiking, by Ross Brewster
Veteran artist David Hockney wears a badge that pleads “end bossiness soon”.
In a TV chat with Melvyn Bragg, he admits he could have said “now” instead of “soon”, but that might be seen as being a bit bossy.
The 86-year-old artist’s interview with Lord Bragg was screened a few weeks ago. It could not have carried a more prescient message about the new wave of puritanism sweeping the country, and specifically the Prime Minister and the Conservative party. Not that I think Labour would be any different.
Rishi Sunak, in his conference speech, seemed torn between protecting people’s freedoms and restricting them.
The Prime Minister may like being seen as the motorists’ friend, railing against unnecessary speed limits and the rip-off car park merchants and giving us leeway before we have no choice other than to buy electric cars.
But it’s the restrictions I’m worried about. I’d tried cigarettes and given them up by the time I was 20, unlike David Hockney who has smoked all his life.
I accept that smoking is bad for people’s health. So the Government supports anti-smoking laws and drives kids who may never have touched cigarettes to a new form of addiction in vaping.
The cost to the NHS is quoted. But if people live longer they will need more end of life support. It’s six and two threes.
I feel sorry for the sad little groups in the rain outside pubs having a quick drag. Smokers have been made the pariahs of modern society. Because I don’t smoke I don’t wish to deny those who do.
Former health minister Lord Bethell gave the puritans even greater succour when he announced the erosion of people’s right to smoke was “the first step of several”.
So what next? Being marched out of McDonald’s by the thought police for daring to order a Big Mac with large fries? Lord Bethell says the smoking restrictions open the door on obesity.
Being overweight isn’t healthy either. But people have the right, even to be stupid.
Furthermore there is currently a war on gambling with intrusive checks on punters’ private financial affairs. Lord Bethell’s “first step” is already here and upon anyone who values a bit of what the Government, NHS, vegans and Gambling Commission regard as illicit pleasure.
Ciggies are not a piece of cake, says Rishi. You can bet your life, even if you can’t bet the horses, that will soon change. Bossiness can’t end soon enough for me and David Hockney.
Space junk danger
Imagine the horror. Your computer screen a total blank. You rush to grab your smartphone. Nothing. Not a peep, It’s dead.
It’s the same everywhere. No technology is working. The lights have gone out. The water has dried up. The supermarkets have closed after violence broke out among shoplifters. Soon we’ll be heading for caves and eating nextdoor’s cat. Even eating the neighbours when we run out of edible pets.
Life as we know it would collapse. No-one under the age of 60, barring a few boy scouts rubbing sticks together, would have a clue. We are a world dependent on computers.
It would never happen? With all that junk flying round in space, and a lot more rich men’s toys to follow, don’t kid yourself that the satellites up there aren’t going to be involved in a massive pile-up one day.
Having ruined the planet it’s only a matter of time before mankind does the same to space. Captain Kirk’s frontier is final no more. Elon Musk is the new Trekkie from hell with his plans for thousands more satellites in an increasingly cluttered space.
All it takes is for one or two of Elon’s flying objects to collide with some of the 8,000 or so satellites already up there and communications could be disastrously compromised.
It might even mean curtains for social media. No more texting your mate across the street. No more Instagrams and Facebooks. Computer silence.
So not all bad then.
Is Rory Stewart going on Strictly?
He’s no saint after all. Not according to that worthy publication and stirrer of political pots Private Eye.
The magazine’s latest candidate in its “Lives of the Saints” feature is Rory Stewart, otherwise dubbed Saint Rory of Stewart.
In Biblical tones, the Eye speaks of a young Rory as a prophet and wise man, walking across the wilderness and deserts of Afghanistan until, “tempted by worldly power, he became the MP for Penrith and The Border”.
Of course, the Eye being what it is, the article goes on to query some of Stewart’s less holy voting record for the Government and poses the question, might he not really be a saint, more a false prophet “better suited to winning votes on Strictly Come Dancing”.
Does the Eye know something? Is Rory Stewart lined up for a future Strictly series?
Current Strictly favourite Angela Rippon reckons that, at a high kicking 79, she has the recipe for staying young, fit and perfect for the show.
If Rory starts taking ice baths twice a week we’ll know. He is, after all, omniscient and omnipresent. Private Eye says so.
